I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
