she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
