sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize