Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
