I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
