you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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