that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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