Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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