They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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