as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
