I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
