Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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