Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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