Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
