Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
