dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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