two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
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Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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