Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
