I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
These tits shall not be calmed
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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