He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
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He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
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I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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