Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
