He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
