3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover