You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
kristin has been a bad kristin
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
