coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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