I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
