She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
