You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
