So drunk, too bad you don't want this
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
