Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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