my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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