im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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