I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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