She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
