Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
