Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
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Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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