my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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