The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
