Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
