I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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