My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dignity is for republicans.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
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She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
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Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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