drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
