I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
