My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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