I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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