just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
