i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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