we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize