The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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