I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
