hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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