Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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