all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize