I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
