bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
