dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
