The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I am naked and annoyed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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