Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
