Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
