i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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