Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
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