he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
