Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I look better un-naked...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
