on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
