my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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