I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
