There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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