Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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