I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
