Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
