This girl is more easily done than said...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
