He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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